A Course in Miracles Blog

Admitting to being controlling is good for you

  • By Paul West
  • 709 Words
  • 3 minutes 32 seconds
Share this

I was being controlling. I did not want things to be the way they are. i wanted to stop them being the way they are and be different. I could not accept that this was okay or that it should be this way.

But I did not realize the effect that this control has on the world.

When I resist what's happening, I resist by attempting to control and reject what's going on. I try to shut it out, at the same time as trying to put into place some kind of 'alternative' that I think is better or more correct. So there I am in a state of strong rejection, and strong enforcement, simultaneously - which obviously is conflicting and therefore upsetting.

I did not realize that my attempt to resist and control was actually CAUSING the situation I was looking at, to appear to me in the way it was appearing.

The more I did not like what was happening, the more I tried to stop it and control it. But the more I did that, the more the situation seemed to get further from how I wanted it.

The more we control, the more we resist. So now that I am in resistance, that resistance only becomes stronger as I become more passionate about forcing things to be how I think they should be. In fact, it's really impossible for me to HAVE things the way I want them, because to make them be that way takes a tremendous amount of control and manipulation, which means I am in tremendous resistance, which means I am not in a state of acceptance.

There never will be a time when I can both be controlling and enforcing situations while also experiencing acceptance. So in effect, i will never be able to experience that the outcome I wanted has actually occurred and that I am at peace with it. Unless that is I became SO incredibly controlling that I violated boundaries and rights attempting to get others to change. Which would of course be completely inappropriate on many levels.

I did not know that trying to control a situation makes it worse, and takes it further from acceptability. How can anyone ever find the peace of acceptance through being controlling? Good luck.

The more I saw the situation is needing to be controlled because it was 'out of control' and unacceptable, the more the people involved seemed to become even more out of control and unacceptable. Funny that. They reacted to my controlling efforts with their own resistance against my attacks, so no wonder the scenario I was trying to get away from simply became more stuck and rigid. What you resist persists.

My strategy is now shifting. I need to learn to be accepting, not controlling. Allowing, not enforcing. Permitting, not resisting. And that means, or at least seems to mean to my ego, that I cannot have things the way I want them. Which to the ego, seems to suck, right? 

My ego wants to have a world where I get to 'control' certain things, even if it's only in the scope of my 'own life' or my 'own body'. I still want to have that control over 'my' life. And so that really means, I am wanting to control MYSELF. How strange is that?

Control isn't the same as free will. And having no control does not mean you don't have freedom. In fact you have more freedom when you are not controlling. How's that for a paradox? Control takes away your freedom instead of giving it to you! Yet another way in which the ego says one thing and does the exact opposite.

So then, to my intellect, it doesn't understand how I can be accepting and uncontrolling and still be in any way 'happy' about what's going on, or how I can have any 'say' in what's going on. It doesn't understand how it's possible to accept what is, and yet have the freedom and power to do something to change something. It sees acceptance as the doorway to powerlessness, to no choice, to passivity and victimhood. Interesting how the ego sees it this way in order to avoid acceptance, because if you become really accepting you become empowered.

Acceptance without powerlessness or passivity. A novel concept.
Share this
Older Post Newer Post

How you can help

The Voice For God website is designed to be Truly Helpful, serving the A Course in Miracles community with original content and tools. You can help the community by supporting this website and sharing the content.

You can Sign Up for our Newsletter to get updates and special content. Also here are some additional ways you can help...

1. Buy ACIM Books and eBooks

Purchasing one or more of our books allows you to contribute financially, helping us with operating expenses and funding future projects and content. Thank you for your contribution!

ACIM Book: All is Forgiven
ACIM Book: I Am Love - Book 1

2. Share some Pages

You can help a lot by sharing pages socially with your friends and followers.

Use the " Share this" link on pages you want to share. You will be able to share via facebook, twitter, google+, pinterest and by email.

These shares make it easier for ACIM students to find our pages on the internet and in Google. Thank you!

3. Link from your Website

ACIM students will also be able to more easily find our website if you add links pointing to our pages from a website or blog.

If you run a website, particularly with related subject-matter such as topics of spirituality, adding link(s) pointing to our pages helps a great deal!

You can link to THIS page with the following URL:


Search Voice For God
Share this page
Voice for god news

Sign up for our newsletter to get regular content updates, ACIM help and tips, stories and more to your email inbox: