A Course in Miracles Blog

You are comprised of two identities

  • By Paul West
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  • 1018 Words
  • 5 minutes 5 seconds
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There is the me that seems to be 'in here' in the body, who I believe is innocent and did not ask for this sorry treatment.

Then there is the me that seems to be 'out there' which somehow is in someone else's body, and therefore I believe it is not me at all, and that self is attacking the self that I think remains as me, within.

What's really going on is that both the me out there and the me in here are two parts of my one mind. My mind, itself, is at war with itself. This is the ego split-mind, based in duality and separation. It is two-faced.

The me that is in-here, my persona self, is the part of me that wants to retain and keep something, rejecting everything else.

The me that is 'out there', my shadow self, is the projected (but still within my own mind, since ideas leave not their source) part of me that I do not want. Therefore that self seems to be separated off behind a wall of disassociation.

I perceive that projected shadow self as "not me" and that I want nothing to do with it. I don't identify with it and I believe it is someone else. It is what I do not want. I see it as 'my' enemy, but really I am seeing it with my persona who loves to isolate the 'good bits' to my 'in here' self, and keep the 'bad bits' relegated to the 'out there' self.

I project my shadow self onto other people and since I believe that this shadow self is 'not me', not my persona-me, I believe that it must belong to other people. I believe it must be a part of them. I believe THEY must be the ones who are attacking me, they are the ones who are offensive, they are the ones who are my enemy.

The stronger becomes this sense of 'separation' between the in-here me and the out-there me, ie me vs 'other selves', which I experience hallucinatorily as other people, the stronger and deeper that rift becomes and the more 'I' am at war with those enemy selves, the more I disassociate my identity from that shadow self - the part of me that I hate and reject. And it seems I am now an enemy of that other person, but they are really me - I am an enemy of myself.

While this disassociation is in place, it will seem to me that the other self that is 'out there', which houses everything that is wrong and ugly and unwanted and guilty and evil and deadly, has nothing to do with me at all. I will want to get away from it, reject it, escape it, and run from its threat. I don't want to accept that it is a part of myself.

But what I must do if I want healing, is I must recognize that all of the projected guilt/sin/attack that I see as 'not myself', or as 'someone else's stuff', ALL of it is mine. That content is part of and inside of my own mind. See, I think my mind is only inside my body and that my mind stops at the edges of my body. It doesn't. My mind 'in here', as it perceives what is 'out there', and as it thinks about stuff 'out there', is actually out there as well. And it's not possible for my mind to perceive that there even IS an 'out there' without my mind being in some way out there too. And everything I experience, even the out there stuff, is really encapsulated by my whole mind, like a container. My body, other people's bodies. It's me.

So if I want to heal, I'm going to have to realize that in all cases where I think someone else is wrong or at fault, I am just conveniently disassociating from MY OWN self-attack, which I am seeing as 'not me' because I don't want it, and I've seen it overlaid on top of 'people' out there. It's nothing to do with them. They are ALL INNOCENT. There is not really anything out there. It's all my own mind, parts of my mind, that I don't want to look at.

To heal, I am going to have to look at this content that I think is in other people, and I'm going to have to take back responsibility for it. I'm going to have to take back the 'power' that I think it has over me, which is really my own power within my own mind. And I'm going to have to admit that the stuff I want to get rid of, that is stuff within my mind not outside of it. There is no outside to my mind! It's all inside me. And I need to therefore heal the rift between the persona-me, in here, which only wants to keep the good stuff, and the shadow me that I project, which is seemingly out there and that I do not want to accept.

I can't accept the shadow stuff or the persona stuff while they remain separate. While separate, there is war. I have to realize they are BOTH ME and cease the belief in the *SEPARATION* that is between them. That is the key. I am doing this to myself because I am both parts of my mind, the inner and the outer. I am the enemy I perceive. I need to forgive myself and undo this rift, this split mind, between what is approved-of in me and what is not approved of in me.

It is keeping these parts of my own mind held apart and separate that brings on all sickness, all conflict, all war, all upset, and death. Reclaiming ownership of the entire scenario, the inner and the outer, they become one. I see them both as me operating two personalities that are against each other, and yet both of them are within me. Therefore.... I am something else. I am not either of them. I am awareness. I am the personality. I am the one mind.

Wholeness. Peace.
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